Saw 3D (2010)

Directed By: Kevin Greutert

Starring: Tobin Bell, Costas Mandylor, Betsy Russell, Sean Patrick Flannery, & Cary Elwes

MPAA Rating: R

My Rating: 1 / 10

I guess you could call me a Saw fan. I mean, I've seen every film, no matter how poorly-reviewed they were. I stuck by the franchise through the Saw V debacle (and was justly rewarded with Saw VI). And I can pretty much give you a scene-by-scene runthrough of the first film, since I've seen it countless times. That being said, I'm not the person you need to go to if you want to talk about what was in the envelope that so-and-so delivered to what's-his-name in the the such-and-such sequel. I just haven't put that much focus or interest in any of the sequels since Saw III...of course, neither have the filmmakers, so we're equal. Anyway, what I'm getting at is that I'm not some bitter film critic who dismisses these movies as pure "torture porn" without having seen them. In fact, after the far better-than-expected Saw VI, I was really looking forward to this sequel, said to be "The Final Chapter" (yeah right). Unfortunately, Saw 3D was not merely a disappointment...it is, by far, the worst film in the entire series. It is a sequel so poorly-made, it makes Saw V practically look like Oscar bait.

Country Strong (2010)

Directed By: Shana Feste

Starring: Gwyneth Paltrow, Tim McGraw, Garrett Hedlund, & Leighton Meester

MPAA Rating: PG-13

My Rating: 5 / 10

Writer and director Shana Feste reportedly said that she was inspired by Britney Spears when writing the screenplay for Country Strong. No, she didn't rock out to "Toxic" in between scenes...she used Britney's now-legendary career as a basis for this film's heroine, Kelly Canter (Gwyneth Paltrow). Kelly is a Grammy-winning, record-breaking solo artist whose career and life fall apart when she gets drunk while five months pregnant, falls off the stage, and sadly loses the baby. Her husband, James (Tim McGraw), forces her into rehab, partly because he loves his wife, but mostly because she needs good PR. When the film opens, Kelly hasn't conquered any of her demons. She's still an alcoholic, still pops pills, and is still suffering from depression. Are you seeing the connection yet? We've seen this story played out in the press countless times before, recently with Lindsay Lohan, but most famously with the aforementioned Britney. Country Strong is rightfully sympathetic towards these stars, painting a portrait of Kelly not as a fame-seeking, irresponsible bimbo...but as a broken soul who can't get her head above water. She wants to get better, but can't.

No Strings Attached (2011)

Directed By: Ivan Reitman

Starring: Natalie Portman, Ashton Kutcher, Kevin Kline, Greta Gerwig, & Lake Bell

MPAA Rating: R

My Rating: 7 / 10

Would it be a stretch to say that the romantic comedy subgenre has been in a slump the last few years? Would anyone disagree with me? I didn't think so. It's no secret that somewhere between the vibrating pantie scene in The Ugly Truth and, well, everything in The Bounty Hunter, the romantic comedy has become a consistently unfunny, unlikable, and thoroughly unbearable affair. All of this coming from someone who thought Killers was actually pretty funny...so you know I'm not terribly hard to please when it comes to these movies. It's rare nowadays to see a romantic comedy that doesn't make me want to throw myself off the concession stand before the ends credits...and, let's face it, if you have seen a trailer for No Strings Attached, you were probably under the same assumption I was: it's just more of the same. But, I realized that I had yet to see a 2011 theatrical release and really needed to if this blog was going to retain any (rumored) relevance whatsoever. So, dodging the continued downfall of Nicholas Cage and Seth Rogen still trying to be funny, I decided that No Strings Attached was probably the least psychologically-scarring movie in theaters.

How to Train Your Dragon (2010)

Directed By: Dean DeBlois & Chris Sanders

Starring: Jay Baruchel, Gerard Butler, America Ferrera, & Craig Ferguson

MPAA Rating: PG

My Rating: 9 / 10

It's a rare occasion when we get one truly great animated film in a year. But, it's nearly impossible for us to get not one, but two great ones. Fortunately, that has happened in 2010. The first was Toy Story 3, and the second is now How to Train Your Dragon. As I've been making a mad dash to see as many Oscar contenders as I can before the big night (and to prepare for the highly-anticipated and esteemed...at least by me...Crooked Shoes Awards), one film I really wanted to check out was this one. While unimpressed with pretty much all of the marketing (It didn't click with me.), I was surprised by the overwhelming love it got from critics, and even more surprised by its box-office gross. Clearly, if any film was going to be able to go head-to-head with the formidable Toy Story 3 come Oscar night, it was this one. Now, I know why. Packed with exciting action scenes, heartfelt relationships, and some of the best animation I've ever seen, How to Train Your Dragon is a surprising and beautiful film that, like Toy Story 3, symbolizes everything I love and admire about animated films.

The Social Network (2010)

Directed By: David Fincher

Starring: Jesse Eisenberg, Andrew Garfield, Justin Timberlake, & Armie Hammer

MPAA Rating: PG-13

My Rating: 10 / 10

I returned to school this week, hence I haven't been able to update this blog as often as I did during Christmas break. My time constraints were worsened by the return of some of my favorite TV shows (I'm looking at you, American Idol). Even still, I was determined to make time for The Social Network, a film I had seen in theaters and had been eagerly waiting to see again. Often, when you see a movie once, you are under a delusion that it is better than it really is. And, because of my near-raving adoration for David Fincher's "Facebook movie" after my first viewing, I just had to see it again. Fortunately, The Social Network isn't just as good as I remember it...it is even better. A morality tale about the effects big business can have on friendships, The Social Network is not the scathing condemnation of Mark Zuckerberg that people expected (and that some wanted). Instead, it is a decidedly fair and honest portrayal of his complex struggle to deal with unprecedented success, fame, and fortune.

Live to Dance: My Thoughts Thus Far

One show that has been (strangely) flying under my radar is Paula Abdul's new dance competition, Live to Dance. I say "strangely" because I usually eat and breathe everything dance related. You can't tear me away from Dancing with the Stars, and I would scratch your eyes out to watch So You Think You Can Dance. And, in fact, Live to Dance was one of my most-anticipated shows of the season (right behind Off the Map, which lived up to every expectation)...but, after the first episode, I just kinda lost interest. It's not that the show is bad. Its three judges (headlined by Abdul, of course) are likable and very knowledgeable, its production values are stellar, and most of the talent is off the chain. I think my problem with it is the same problem I have with America's Got Talent: I just don't see its necessity. So You Think You Can Dance is, in my opinion, the perfect dance show. It has a great host, great judges, great new talent, and great alums who return to the show for one reason or another (either as choreographers, guest judges, or the new "all-stars"). Plus, its summer timeslot is completely uncrowded, so I have plenty of time to watch it. Live to Dance doesn't feel inspired when compared to that show (or, for that matter, America's Best Dance Crew), because it isn't working with a fresh concept. On top of that, in a season of television crowded (for me, at least) with Off the Map, American Idol, Hot in Cleveland, The Bachelor, and more, it's been hard for me to remember Live to Dance.

I'm Not Even Going to Lie . . .

When I first saw this Canadian trailer for Scream 4, I squeaked with excitement.



Scream 4 opens on April 15, 2011

Update: The Canadian trailer was removed from YouTube because of copyright issues. A quick Google search should be able to find it, though. Until then, check out the domestic teaser trailer above (which is still pretty cool).

Update #2: The Canadian trailer for Scream 4 has been officially released as the second domestic trailer. You can now check it out again above (legally this time).

I Am Love (2010)

Directed By: Luca Guadagnino

Starring: Tilda Swinton, Flavio Parenti, Edoardo Gabbriellini, Alba Rohrwacher, & Pippo Delbono

MPAA Rating: R

My Rating: 8 / 10

Tilda Swinton is one of my favorite actresses ever, and I Am Love is a prime example of why I adore her so. Born in London and having such a lovely British accent, Swinton plays, in this film, a Russian woman who speaks Italian fluently. You would never know, if you didn't already, that her Russian accent and command of the Italian language were not natural, because she engrains them flawlessly into her performance. Swinton is one of the few fearless actresses still working. And unlike some of those fearless actresses, Swinton actually has the talent to sustain her courage. She can really do anything she sets her mind to, and there has never been as wonderful proof of this as her tour de force performance in I Am Love. She is the heart and soul of this film, a touching and riveting portrayal of a family crumbling down around itself. Told without the expected cliches or stereotypes, it is a wildly original and compelling drama that captures the essence of what it means to be a family.

The Expendables (2010)

Directed By: Sylvester Stallone

Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, & Randy Couture

MPAA Rating: R

My Rating: 7 / 10

If seeing the stars listed above in the same movie doesn't make you at least a little giddy with excitement, then The Expendables just isn't for you. If you don't smile at thought of Randy Couture and Steve Austin going head-to-head, then The Expendables probably won't change that. If a reunion of Sylvester Stallone and Dolph Lundgren doesn't make you break into a sweat with anticipation, then the appeal of The Expendables will be completely lost on you. You can quit reading now and forget all about watching this film. For the rest of us, yes, The Expendables is every bit as exciting and thrilling as you hoped it would be. So often, movies feel, not like movies, but instead like gimmicks stretched out to ninety minutes (The Human Centipede comes to mind). The Expendables is certainly one of them. The defining difference between this and a movie like The Human Centipede, though, is that this is a gimmick that people actually want to see, making for a very enjoyable experience.

The Fighter (2010)

Directed By: David O. Russell

Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Christian Bale, Amy Adams, Melissa Leo, & Jack McGee

MPAA Rating: R

My Rating: 9 / 10

For about the first half of The Fighter, I was completely unsure about whether or not I was liking it. In that time, it doesn't really separate itself from any of the other countless sports movies that have been released over the years. We have a down-and-out athlete, this time boxer Micky Ward (Mark Wahlberg), and his unlikely journey to achieve success while overcoming [Insert name of obstacle or rare, life-threatening disease here). His greatest obstacle is his own half-brother, Dicky (Christian Bale), who was once a boxer too, most famous for possibly knocking Sugar Ray Leonard down in a fight. Sure, Leonard probably just tripped, but that doesn't matter to Dicky, the self-professed "Pride of Lowell." Now, Dicky is a crack addict whose life has become so awful, an HBO documentary is using him as an example of the damaging effects of cocaine. Dicky talks to them openly about his drug use, carrying them around the town like his own personal paparazzi. He doesn't care about the subject of the documentary...only the comeback he so eagerly dreams about achieving.

True Grit (2010)

Directed By: Joel and Ethan Coen

Starring: Jeff Bridges, Hailee Steinfeld, Matt Damon, Josh Brolin, & Barry Pepper

MPAA Rating: PG-13

My Rating: 8 / 10

The debate of whether or not this True Grit is a remake of the 1969 film starring John Wayne has been raging for weeks now. The Coens claim they just used the original source material, the book by Charles Portis, as their inspiration. Now, while I have seen the original film, I have never read the book; thus, I'm not really going to enter into the debate of "remake vs. new adaptation," nor is it a particularly useful argument anyway. Here is all that really matters to me: True Grit (2010) is a beautifully-made film, sporting brilliant performances and a darker edge than its predecessor. Here's what also matters to me: because both the 1969 and 2010 films are so similar and because I know the original like the back of my hand, the 2010 film held less power than it could have, had it been the first to adapt the Portis novel. With most of the narrative and great stretches of dialog being almost completely identical, there are times when True Grit (2010)'s suspense and intrigue are lessened rather significantly. I say this not to be critical of the Coen brothers or their wonderful team, all of whom contributed to make an altogether wonderful film; unfortunately, that's just what happens when filmmakers choose to use already-adapted material for their film.

The Town (2010)

Directed By: Ben Affleck

Starring: Ben Affleck, Rebecca Hall, Jon Hamm, Jeremy Renner, & Blake Lively

MPAA Rating: R

My Rating: 9 / 10

Ben Affleck's The Town has all of the ingredients to make a perfect thriller...but, as we've seen so many times before, great ingredients do not necessarily make a great product, if they are not combined in just the right way. Fortunately, Affleck proves that his feature film directing debut, Gone Baby Gone, was no fluke. He really has a firm understanding of how to locate all of the right elements for a film and then assemble them into a truly wonderful finished product. The Town is brilliantly exciting, pulse-pounding from the very first moment to the end. But, being an ultimate cinematic anomaly, it is also a thoughtful character study, drawing a handful of interrelated people into a tangled narrative that meticulously exposes the various parts of who they are as individuals. Affleck expertly merges these two worlds into an altogether great bank robbery thriller that fully verifies him as a powerful writer and director.

Change of Plans (2011)

Directed By: John Kent Harrison

Starring: Brooke White, Joe Flanigan, Phylicia Rashad, Jayme Lynn Evans, & Bobby Soto

MPAA Rating: Not Rated

My Rating: 6 / 10

Ah, the first movie of a new year...there is something so refreshing and nice about beginning a whole new year of movie-reviewing. Starting 2011 off is the made-for-television movie, Change of Plans, starring American Idol-alum Brooke White. Marketed as part of the Wal-Mart and P&G collaboration to "bring back family movie night," Change of Plans is one of the most syrupy sweet movies I've probably ever seen. Had it been released in theaters, it wouldn't have been able to tread water. But, by being released on television at the family-friendly hour of eight o'clock, it is exactly what it intended to be, with no false pretenses about what it is. That isn't some back-handed compliment. Change of Plans is actually a rather well-made movie, aside from all the cinematic schmaltz, sporting far better-than-expected performances, as well as a rather touching and, at its core, genuine portrayal of adoption following tragedy.

Black Swan (2010)

Directed By: Darren Aronofsky

Starring: Natalie Portman, Mila Kunis, Vincent Cassel, Barbara Hershey, & Winona Ryder

MPAA Rating: R

My Rating: 10 / 10

Perfection, is it really obtainable? And, if it is, how far must one go to achieve it? That is, I believe, the message behind Black Swan, Darren Aronofsky's latest psychological drama...or is it a mind-bending thriller...what about an artsy horror film? Black Swan manages to defy easy categorization, in both genre and moral. In many ways, the film is open to complete interpretation and is likely to affect each audience member in a profoundly different way. Some will find it to be far more scary than it is emotionally-moving. Others will find it to be more subtley dramatic than thrilling. The key to Black Swan's overwhelming and sure-fire success is that, no matter who you are or how it affects you, it will have an effect on you as you leave the theater. As I left a sold-out showing just a few hours ago, my fellow movie-goers were abuzz as they left, talking about the film and analyzing it out loud. There was none of the awkwardly silent shuffling of feet, which has sadly become an all-too-common sight in theaters.

The Last Exorcism (2010)

Directed By: Daniel Stamm

Starring: Patrick Fabian, Ashley Bell, Iris Bahr, Louis Herthum, & Caleb Landry Jones

MPAA Rating: PG-13

My Rating: 5 / 10

There are moments of brilliance in The Last Exorcism, thanks in no small part to fantastic performances from stars Patrick Fabian and Ashley Bell. Bell delivers one of the most unsettling performances in modern horror, while Fabian exudes all of the obnoxious charm popular with backwoods preachers; and the movie benefits immensely from having them in their respective roles. Unfortunately, the moments of brilliance do not pan out to make a truly brilliant movie. The Last Exorcism is one of those run-of-the-mill horror films where quick-cuts and loud noises are substituted for genuine scares, and where you can tell the filmmakers were banking on one particular scene in order to shock and terrify. That scene is the now-infamous back-breaking scene. However, that scene, like the rest of the movie, isn't really scary, nor is it particularly groundbreaking. If you have ever seen another demonic possession movie (And, really, who hasn't?), then you have seen just about everything that The Last Exorcism has to offer. Oh, and did I mention that the ending sucks? Because it does.

Britney vs. Gaga: 2011's Biggest Showdown?

If you have searched the internet for any amount of time in the last week or so, you have probably read something about the "epic showdown" set to come between reigning pop princesses, Britney Spears and Lady Gaga. This is arguably the first time that the two have had albums competing in the same arena, and some are forecasting a bloody battle for the Queen of Pop throne. But, let's face it, even when comparing artists as similar as Britney Spears and Lady Gaga, you're still comparing apples to oranges. And, what's more, I think there is plenty of room for them to both share the throne. When it comes to pop music, no one is more exciting, electrifying, and engaging than these two. Britney Spears single-handedly turned the music industry on its head in 1999, and has defined (for better or worse) what it means to be a celebrity in the new millennium. Plus, no one can deny the power she clearly wields to be able to stage the comeback of 2008 that put her back on top of her game. But, Lady Gaga is a relatively new artist whose glorious blend of performance art and pop music has made her the most innovative new artist of the last ten years or so. She's still riding her initial wave of popularity, and is showing no signs of slowing down.

Vampires Suck (2010)

Directed By: Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer

Starring: Jenn Proske, Matt Lanter, Chris Riggi, Diedrich Bader, & Ken Jeong

MPAA Rating: PG-13

My Rating: 1 / 10

I am at a complete loss to understand how anyone could make a spoof of The Twilight Saga and not be able to provide one single laugh...not a chuckle, not a smile, not even a smirk. Alas, leave it to Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, the most consistently awful filmmakers working in Hollywood, to do just that. They have a long history of making godawful movies...think Date Movie, Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans, and Disaster Movie. But, I would wager that none of their past releases have had this must potential or been this unfunny. Let's face it, Twihards, when you are swooning over Robert Pattinson staring lovingly at a moody Kristen Stewart, there is a part of you...however slight...that wants to burst out laughing. Of course, you don't, lest you be jumped while leaving the midnight screening in your "Team Jacob" T-shirt. I get it...I'm a fan of the franchise, but I totally see the humor in it. It's melodramatic and overly-serious, almost to the point of being a comedy, itself. Such a great spoof movie could have been made about The Twilight Saga...but I don't think there is a great movie in Jason Friedberg or Aaron Seltzer, or even a mediocre one. There is only one type of movie this pair knows how to make...one that is completely, undeniably awful.

Frozen (2010)

Directed By: Adam Green

Starring: Emma Bell, Shawn Ashmore, & Kevin Zegers

MPAA Rating: R

My Rating 9 / 10

So far, for this blog, I have reviewed a total of three horror films...and each and every one of them, from the much-hyped The Human Centipede to the dully-tepid And Soon the Darkness, have been pretty awful. But, leave it up to Hatchet-helmer Adam Green to show them all how it's done...my first thought when Frozen ended was pretty simple and fairly descriptive of my overall opinion: now this is how you make a horror movie! Intense and gut-wrenching, Frozen is the rare horror film that is able to get under one's skin, leaving a lasting impact upon viewers once it ends. So often, we see horror films that seek to have an effect on audiences just during their runtimes (usually by relying on shameless jump-out-of-your-seat scares), but ultimately, the horror genre has far too much power and potential to be wasted on that. When done correctly, a horror film should be just as emotionally-moving, just as well-written, and just as heartfelt as any Oscar bait drama. Frozen is a wonderful example of this.

And Soon the Darkness (2010)

Directed By: Marcos Efron

Starring: Amber Heard, Odette Yustman, Karl Urban, & Adriana Barraza

MPAA Rating: R

My Rating: 3 / 10

Full Disclosure: I have never seen the 1970 film, And Soon the Darkness, upon which this film is based.

And Soon the Darkness is a textbook example of how to squander a perfectly pleasant first half. This film skillfully builds tension throughout its first half, introducing us to two believable heroines and then constantly suggesting that bad things are about to happen to them. Sure, it overuses the old "villagers stare ominously" shtick, but it works nonetheless. In fact, I was almost convinced that I was watching a great thriller...until the so-called "thrills" actually began. Then, And Soon the Darkness loses all of its carefully-mounted momentum, hitting a narrative brick wall of sorts and becoming a standard, run-of-the-mill torture flick...except without the torture. So, what we have is actually a movie that becomes all about our heroines running and bad guys chasing them, with utter lifelessness and absolutely zero tension. It isn't that And Soon the Darkness is a poorly-made film. Indeed, it's a beautifully-shot and well-acted film. Its problem is that there isn't a single spark of interest, creativity, or originality in any second of its 90-minute runtime. This movie practically defines the word "blah."

Toy Story 3 (2010)

Directed By: Lee Unkrich

Starring: Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, Joan Cusack, Ned Beatty, & Don Rickles

MPAA Rating: G

My Rating: 10 /10

The Disney and Pixar collaboration has a remarkable track record, with every film they have produced being a critical and commercial success, but I always grow a little wary when I'm about to see their latest project. Eventually, they are going to make a dud...you just know they are, but it doesn't stop us from wanting their brand to remain perhaps the only still-untarnished one left in Hollywood. And, if I was a betting man, my money would have been on Toy Story 3 becoming their first disappointment. After all, how many third installments have lived up to their legacies? I could probably count all the ones that have on one hand. But, to my gleeful surprise, Toy Story 3 didn't just live up to its predecessors; it is, in fact, this already-wonderful franchise's magnum opus. Masterfully blending intelligent humor with heartwarming (and, sometimes, tear-inducing) drama, while appealing equally to both children and adults, Toy Story 3 is an utterly delightful film that is, without a doubt, one of the year's most wonderful.