Saw 3D (2010)

Directed By: Kevin Greutert

Starring: Tobin Bell, Costas Mandylor, Betsy Russell, Sean Patrick Flannery, & Cary Elwes

MPAA Rating: R

My Rating: 1 / 10

I guess you could call me a Saw fan. I mean, I've seen every film, no matter how poorly-reviewed they were. I stuck by the franchise through the Saw V debacle (and was justly rewarded with Saw VI). And I can pretty much give you a scene-by-scene runthrough of the first film, since I've seen it countless times. That being said, I'm not the person you need to go to if you want to talk about what was in the envelope that so-and-so delivered to what's-his-name in the the such-and-such sequel. I just haven't put that much focus or interest in any of the sequels since Saw III...of course, neither have the filmmakers, so we're equal. Anyway, what I'm getting at is that I'm not some bitter film critic who dismisses these movies as pure "torture porn" without having seen them. In fact, after the far better-than-expected Saw VI, I was really looking forward to this sequel, said to be "The Final Chapter" (yeah right). Unfortunately, Saw 3D was not merely a disappointment...it is, by far, the worst film in the entire series. It is a sequel so poorly-made, it makes Saw V practically look like Oscar bait.

After barely escaping a trap set by Jigsaw's wife, Jill (Betsy Russell), Detective Mark Hoffman (Costas Mandylor), the man chosen to carry on Jigsaw's game, begins to seek bloody revenge against her, all while running yet another sadistic game. This time, it's for a man named Bobby Dagen (Sean Patrick Flannery), a self-help guru who claims to have been a survivor of Jigsaw's trap before. But, in fact, he was never in a trap and has been lying about it for financial gain for years. Now, it's time for him to face the ramifications of his lies. Trapped inside a maze of traps and death, he must negotiate his way through, trying to rescue members of his team, all of whom knew about his lie, along the way. At the end of the maze is his wife (Gina Holden), a woman who knew nothing of his dishonesty and is now, in essence, having to pay for her husband's crimes. If he can't reach and rescue her within an hour, she will die.

The problem that has popped up in every Saw sequel after the third one is pretty simple: its moral compass has been skewed. In the first three films, when Jigsaw (Tobin Bell) was running things, the film's plot was pretty straight-forward: if someone wasn't appreciating life fully, they were tested in a brutal attempt to make them "save themselves." Was Jigsaw right in doing all that he did? No...but he believed that he was right, and that's what made those first three films so compelling. Jigsaw was never some slasher with a butcher knife offing random teenagers; he was smart, meticulous, and was guided by some heartfelt belief that he was helping his victims, no matter how misguided his approach was. Since his successor, Hoffman, played without a stick of conviction by Costas Mandylor, took the reigns, the films have become pretty standard-fare slasher stuff. With the exception of Saw V, though, they've at least been fairly entertaining. Saw 3D doesn't even manage that. Perhaps its biggest sin is that it's just incredibly boring. The filmmakers throw excessive gore at the screen, but with no interesting relationships or characters we care about, the gore doesn't serve any real purpose, aside from being kind of gross. I say "kind of" because, with the addition of the 3D (so the guts could fly at us), most of it looks fake.

On top of the boring plot and the uninspired gore gags, the performances are almost universally awful, with the only exception being Gina Holden, who does everything she can with her nothing part. Costas Mandylor continues to sleepwalk through this series, while Betsy Russell, usually one the most reliable Saw alums, phones in her performance. And Cary Elwes, who gave a terribly over-the-top performance in the first Saw, returns to prove that, nope, he still can't act in movies like this. It's as though everyone recognized how awful the movie was going to be and didn't even try; you can practically see the disinterest flashing in Betsy Russell's eyes. And who could blame her? This movie was awful from the ground up. From the terrible screenplay to the dull-as-dirt characters to the hokey 3D gimmick, Saw 3D represents a new low for the franchise. What's most annoying is the fact that, instead of putting any care into making a great film, the filmmakers just made it in 3D as a shameless ploy to draw in audiences. Now that it's out on DVD, though, the filmmakers don't even have that. One of the limitations of 3D is simple: whether things pop out at you or not, a terrible film is still a terrible film. No truer words have ever been spoken about Saw 3D.